I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
