just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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