if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You took a bar mat shot.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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