I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
