You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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