Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
So much rum. So many feels.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
