last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
