you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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