Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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