the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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