i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
