just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Randomize
