was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
