You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
