Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
