He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
