That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
