Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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