Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
