So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
