just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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