What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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