in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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