Tell her she can't have a vagina
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
