I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
