I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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