i think i have herpe
just one?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
