great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
