I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
