Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
So squirting runs in the family.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
i've created a new STD.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
