what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
