im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
