Soap is not a condiment
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
