I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
