did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
