it hurts more in the daytime
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
