Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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