i don't like sucking hair
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
