eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
