i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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