Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
