Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
