Well douche your snatch and let's go!
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
