we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
She tied me up with her honor cords...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Randomize
