i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
