I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
