lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
The best revenge is premature balding
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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