Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
