miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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