Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
