I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
