Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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