Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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