If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
