absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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