need another drink. this is the easiest way
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
